Discovering Love

In honor of Valentine's Day a reflection on what love could and should be. I wrote this a few years ago, when I discovered that what my soul had known for a while and my heart and mind had caught up to understanding.

I’ve waited my whole adult life to discover love

As I’m finally learning what my body senses, my mind reflects and my soul ignites in,

I’m holding it in and pushing it down

I’m not sure if the love I am bursting to share has a safe and open place to land

The fears and uncertainty still linger between the reassurance and friendship built

I didn’t understand why the pace was like paint drying.

I felt I was missing something that I could see alive and flourishing for others.

Slow and steady has also been hard and frustrating

Now I see it and know why it came to be like this.

This is not haphazard or lust driven

This is not a connection for convenience or need

This is not a checklist of roles to play and fill

This is what love is meant to feel like

Friendship and security that shows up

Standing by in the vulnerable and ugly moments of real life

This is late nights spent understanding pain and discomfort to not allow me to sit in it alone

Early mornings of reassurance and owning your part in the hurt

This is distance locally and internationally yet still wanting to be connected

Inside jokes and values that align about how to live and view life

This is solving problems that aren’t yours because it gives me peace

This is my reminders of the beauty in parenting and life amid anxious moments of thwarted plans

Support and vulnerability while checking our egos

This is electrifying physical connection, consistently hard and wet

Kisses and jokes as our naked bodies intertwine and move in sync

This is the peace of our presence in the same space to be enough

This is the knowledge you fill in the gaps of my unknown

This is the way your body and touch calm my heart to beat at ease

This is safety and trust to say whatever regardless of the feelings

This is exposed weaknesses and fallibility with a safe place to fall

Shoulders to lean on and patience to listen

Raw emotions triggering discomfort

Tears and kisses to heal the pain they flow in

This is friendship, partnership and adoration all in one space

Two souls in alignment

Foundations of the empire

Transcending barriers to forge a new path

This is complex yet so simply fits without effort

This is love