I Got You: Messages of Reassurance

"I got you" is a phrase we throw around and sometimes don't really mean. A friend may say spot me this now, and I got you next time. But next time might come around and that friend doesn't follow through. I think the key part of this is in the follow through. A lot of people might say they "got you", but few people show up and prove it.

For me, this phrase means two things. First, I get who you are and see your needs and I will be there when you need it. Truthfully I have never known what it is to have both those approaches to me happen in the men in my life. The absence of these two things has left me after 6 years post marriage still alone and being the only person I can count on to protect and take care of me.

The first one has for a lifetime been the thing that I struggle with. I have never fully felt a sense of belonging in any space I am in. That has been the case in the family I was raised in as well as the one that I hand a hand in building. Despite deep and loving friends I have found mostly in my adult years, I still sit on the periphery of these friendships not fully finding my place with anyone.

To get me is to get all my complexities and idiosyncrasies. It's to understand that I can be very sweet, but I can also be sharp and quick to move on from people. I do not trust with ease and to get close to me is rare. Many who feel they are, still are not. Not being fully gotten, seen or understood has led me to choose solitude more than companionship with others. Not for a lack of wanting that warmth of a person, but because you can only stay in a place so long when you know in your heart you don't fully belong or fit. Fake it till you make it, only takes you so far.

Then finally after the ending of a seventeen year marriage, I met someone who got me in ways no one had before. I instantly felt seen and understood in a way no one ever had. I could show up in my messiness and complexity of emotions and I would still be heard and not told to dim my light or hide my feelings. The rarity of this in my life, led me to get comfortable with him quickly In fact, too quick Because now, I was faced with the challenge of not experiencing the other need to be gotten. He knew me well, but he didn't have space nor interest in making any for me in his life and world. I was gotten in one way, but left out alone in the other.

The second "I got you" is the one most strong and driven women hope to find in order to release the shield of always being and doing. We imagine there will be a man who looks at you and says he is going to be there to stand by you and then proceeds to have you. His actions include follow through and you do not questions whether you can trust him to do what he says and show up consistently for you.

He has YOU.

He has your back when others try to speak negatively of you. He has you cloaked in protection of warm and strong arms that hold you when the world is pushing you to your limits or your energy is depleted. He has your heart when you are triggered or need comfort after a hard day. He has you when parenting feels overwhelming or co-parenting tests your patience and limits. He has you in the good times as much as the tough ones. He has you to enjoy adventures exploring the world or new local places. He has you to make an evening after work simple and comforting with a home cooked meal and late night dances in the kitchen. He has you. He has your needs, he has your desires. He just has YOU.

That protection of a man who gets me and really will actually get me with his follow through and consistency is what I have waited for a lifetime to know and allow myself to trust in. I got close to one of these ways, now the universe will hopefully be giving me the full package of a man who gets me in all the ways.

When a woman is understood and protected, you will receive the softest versions of the strongest person you might know. Be her peace, be her home and "get her" so she knows she can let down the guard and allow herself to be open to love.