The Beginning of the End

Written on April 1, 2018

This writing was a recent artifact found from my past life in a walk down memory lane. It captures a moment in time as I was literally launching into the new and the unknown. If you have ever separated and divorced, this may resonate with you. It’s never easy to walk away, but once you finally jump into the unknown in the possibilities of life and love, your life will transform and change for the good.

As I step back and watch a wave of anxiety and restlessness washes over us. Our bodies move robotically with rigid careful strides not to crush or disturb the delicate egg shells strewn all over. The shells are the remnants of sanity and wholeness that for a brief moment held their place. This is so familiar yet entirely different from what I once knew.

No longer are there elementary age boys looking at me weak, unsure and lost in the shells and on the tight rope I walked precariously above them. Now stand three teenagers. Two the size of men while still boys in their hearts and longing souls. A baby girl, who knows only shells and the empty space and vacant looks, peppers our days with giggles to soothe the exhaustion our bodies feel as our muscles work with every ounce we have to navigate the explosion of the delicate shattered mess surrounding our lives.

In these moments she allows us to let go, to exhale and move forward without caution and concern. The cycle is starting to break and the beginning of the end comes close.

I moved out with my four children to start that journey towards cultivating peace on July 1st 2018.